Life with Lordie: Welcome to
As the sun sets upon your side of this great world, the sun
is slowly rising over the towering city of
Upon the left side of the doorway, the numbers two, four and one shine together in gold, metal numbers. There stands a tall, blooming apple tree within the healthy green grass of the front yard. Lining the front of the house are three, healthy green bushes as well.
At the very end of the black, paved driveway, stands a violet colored, metal mailbox upon a thick wooden post with it's red, metal flag down. Upon each side of the violet mailbox, in cursive, the name "Lou" is painted neatly in fuchsia, to match the trim of the house. Upon the very front of the mail box, the house's numbers, two, four and one, are seen in black and gold reflective stickers.
Upon each side of the violet and fuchsia house, a tall, wooded privacy fence stands. The fence lines the sides of the house, all of the way around to the very back, guarding the large, beautiful pool area. There are beautiful Pine trees, as well as a few shrubs and a small garden, filled with all sorts of delicious vegetables.
The sun slowly rises above the city and begins to shine down upon this quiet neighborhood. As the people awake and make their way to work and school, birds sign merrily as squirrels, rabbits and other animals quickly scurry to catch their morning breakfast. For many years, this quaint neighborhood has remained very quiet and peaceful...Until this very morning.
Within the violet, fuchsia trimmed home, a woman soundly sleeps. She is a somewhat large, as well as tall woman. She in her mid to late forties and has very thinning, light brown hair with gray streaks in it. Since she has not much hair upon her head, she wears a series of different colored wigs whenever she goes outside of her quiet home. Lying upon her left side, with her white, satin covers pulled up to her bare shoulder, she sleeps peacefully.
*BUUUZZZZZZZZZ* The doorbell suddenly rings loudly throughout the house. *BUUUZZZZZZZZZ* it rings again *BUUUZZZZZZZZZ* and again *BUUUZZZZZZZZZ* and yet again "Mmmmmhhhhmmmmmmmm...." The woman groans as she rolls over onto her right side, still half asleep. *BUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....." The doorbell rings again, this time, buzzing for a long period of time.
"Go away Mr. Mosquito." She says in a very tired, deep, cigaretti sounding voice, as she waves her left hand around her head, assuming there is a Mosquito buzzing around her head. Yet, the doorbell continues to ring repeatedly, causing her to finally open her tired hazel eyes. "What in the...Ohh shit!" she says "Someone is at the door." She says as she sees what time it is, on the black Roman Numerals, upon the white face her round, golden alarm clock.
"Who in the hell is at my door at six o' clock in the morning?!" She asks herself alarmed, as well as confused as the doorbell continues to ring. She quickly throws off her white covers, revealing her large, nude body.
Hurrying out of bed, she stumbles for her long, bright pink bathrobe, which hangs upon the silver hook of her white, wooden door. *BUUUZZZZZZZZZ* "I'M COMING!!!!" She cracks the door open and yells into the hallway as she struggles to quickly put her robe on.
Frantically, she grabs her long, blonde wig off of one of her many white mannequin heads and quickly puts it on. She looks into her round mirror upon her dressing table and quickly fixes her wig with her hands, to make herself appear somewhat presentable. She quickly throws open her bedroom door, not realizing her large, pink bra strap is wrapped around her foot. The opposite side of her bra catches onto the very corner of her wooden door.
"AHHH!!!" She screams slightly as her door flings shut, pushing her into the wall while at the same time, her stretching, tangled bra trips her while losing hold of the corner of the door, sending her bra snapping into her leg. "Ouch!! Damn it!" She says as she untangles her bra from her foot while quickly opening her bedroom door and tossing her bra onto her unmade bed, then slamming her door shut.
She quickly tightens her robe as the doorbell continues to ring, this time with
even longer buzzing. "
She throws open the door "HELLO?!" She says as she looks around and sees no one in site, at all. "Damn kids..." She says as she shrugs and closes the door, as soon as she turns to go back to bed, the doorbell buzzes again! "What in the..." She says as she opens the door once more. She looks around once again and she still sees no one.
"Who's out here?!" She asks demandingly as well as irritated. Suddenly she feels a slight tug upon the front of her long, pink bathrobe. She looks down to see a very small child standing at her feet. It is a young boy, whom appears to be about the age of seven. He stands with his small hands behind his back. Upon the cement doorstep, a large, sky blue colored, silver-metal rimmed suitcase, as well as a red, silver-rimmed suitcase, both sit upright at either side of him.
The little boy is dressed in a pair of neatly laced, white shoes with clean, white socks and a pair of kaki colored shorts. His shirt is a clean, white, three-button Polo with a small red-crossed, silver shield upon the upper left corner.
His young eyes are sparkling, deep blue and very wide. His brownish blonde hair is neatly cut around his ears and back of his head. His hair upon the top of his head is longer; it is perfectly parted and combed over to the right.
"Corey?!" She says confused, as well as surprised, recognizing her young nephew, as he smiles a delighted, wide-mouth smile from ear to ear. "What are you doing here?" She asks, sounding pleased to see him, yet quite confused as well. Corey suddenly holds out his left hand, inwhich he beholds a piece of white, blue-lined paper. "What's this?" She asks, sounding even more confused as she takes the piece of paper from Corey. "Mmmhhhhhhmmmmm!!" She clears her throat as she begins to read, out loud.
“Dear Lordie,
We are no
longer qualified to take care of our little Corey. Being you are his Godmother
and our sister, it is only right to place him in your care. We trust and
believe you will raise him to be a truly honest, loving and absolutely fabulous
young man.
Love &
Potatoes,
~Glori & Nori~ ”
With very sympathetic eyes, Lordi slowly lowers the paper from her eyelevel. "Ohh Lordy, Little Corey." She says as Corey continues to stand before her, with his eyes wide and a content smile, from ear to ear, upon his young face.
“Well, come on in, Little Cor…” “WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” Little
Corey suddenly squeals excitedly with his arms thrown high into the air, as he
runs between his Aunt Lordi Lou’s legs and into the
living room.
Confused, Lordi carefully picks up both of her little nephew’s suitcases. She notices the red suitcase is much heavier than the sky blue one. Struggling, she gets the suitcases into the house and kicks the door shut behind her as she practically drags the red suitcase across the living room floor.
“Ohh my, Little Corey, what in the world did you pack in here?” She asks as she continues to struggle. Little Corey bounces happily up and down upon Lordi’s enormous, Lavender colored couch. She quickly sets the sky blue suitcase beside the couch as she hauls the red one through the living room and toward the kitchen.
“Since you are staying here…” she begins “…then where is…” “ME!” She suddenly hears a strange noise. “ME!” She hears it once again. ‘What was that?’ she asks confused as she looks around with the suitcase in her hand. “ME! ME! ME!” She begins to spin around in circles, confused and irritated as the sound becomes an even more high-pitched “beeping” noise. “WHERE IS THAT BEEPING COMING FROM?” She says aloud as she spins faster and faster as the “beeping” noise becomes higher and faster, as well! “ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!...”
Suddenly, very dizzy from spinning around, she realizes it’s coming from inside of the red suitcase! “IT’S A BOMB!!!!!” She screams and suddenly throws the suitcase onto the black and white tiled kitchen floor.
The suitcase slides across the kitchen floor and *CLANK!* hits the enormous, metal base of her tall, bright yellow refrigerator. With the very *CLANK* the top of the suitcase suddenly flings open! “No, no, no…” Little Corey says in his high-pitched voice as he continues bouncing up and down upon the couch. “…It’s just Ethan!” He tells her, with a smile.
Ethan, a year younger and a bit smaller than Corey, lies ever so comfortably upon his clothes within the suitcase. He wears only white underwear, an ear to ear white smile upon his baby-face, as his enormous, blue eyes sparkle brightly. His hair is bleach-blonde and spiked up the very in front, and combed neatly forward all of the way around his head.
Upon his underwear, a note is safety-pinned. “What is this?” Lordi wonders out loud to herself as she unpins the handwritten note, which reads: “P.S. Here’s Ethan!” Surprised, as well as speechless, Lordi slowly raises her hand to her cheek. “Ohh Lordy, Little Corey…” She says as she gazes blankly at the note. “ME!” Ethan says, still smiling brightly up at her. “…and Little Ethan.” She says as she continues to stare, blankly and confused.
Look, Madge, I told you, they aren’t mine!...Yes, I’m sure!” Lordi explains as she sits at her kitchen table, which is neatly covered with a blue table cloth and has a large, bright yellow Sunflower pattern knitted upon it. She sits, with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth as she sits filing her long fingernails and talking on her large, hot-pink Rotary telephone. Meanwhile, directly behind Lordi, Corey and Ethan repeatedly take turns sliding down their Aunt Lordie’s enormous, wooden banister.
“They belong to my sisters…” she tells Madge “Isn’t there a place in the city I could take them and get all of this straightened out?” she asks “An adoption agency? No! I don’t want to sell them! I just want to put them where they belong.” She says rolling her eyes as she continues to smoke her cigarette and file her nails. Suddenly, Corey and Ethan begin to battle each other back and forth throughout the living room, with Lordi’s enormous Lavender colored couch pillows.
“Child Services, that’s it!” Lordi says excitedly as she suddenly remembers her lost thought. Placing the telephone receiver pressed against the front of her shoulder, she suddenly calls out behind her…“Little Corey!” They both come to a sudden halt as Corey stands with his pillow raised high above his head and wide grins stretch across both of their faces. “Get Little Ethan dressed, we’re going for a ride!”
“WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!” Corey squeals excitedly and suddenly bashes Ethan over the head with his pillow. “ME!” Ethan squeaks as he falls to the floor with a sudden *THUD!* leaving him completely motionless. Corey runs away as fast as he can and quickly comes back with blue shoes, white socks, an orange t-shirt and blue-jean shorts, for Ethan to wear.
Corey attempts to help Ethan get dressed, by handing him his shorts and t-shirt. Ethan puts each leg through the arm holes of his t-shirt and quickly puts his shorts over his head. Corey stands back with his arms crossed. He shakes his head “No, no, no!” Corey says and pulls the shorts off Ethan’s head. Ethan suddenly trips over his own feet and t-shirt. Corey pulls the shirt off of his legs and puts it over Ethan’s head.
“Corey is seven and Ethan is six...” Lordie explains to Madge “Years old…Yes.” She says “No, no real father’s in their lives, they were all fly-by-nights.” Lordie says “Yes…Yes and I am sure you know how that goes…HAHAHAAAA!!” Lordie laughs heartily as she continues to finish her cigarette, as well as her telephone conversation. “Well, I better get these little ones ready…No, no, I was talking about the kids, Madge…”
Once Ethan finally has his t-shirt on, Corey helps Ethan put on his shorts. They smile, as Corey gives Ethan his socks. Like mittens, Ethan puts his socks on over his hands! “No, no, no!” Corey says, shaking his head, but Ethan quickly bends down, places his hands into his shoes, throws his legs up into the air, he quickly walks away on his hands and Corey chases after his as fast as he can.
All properly dressed and ready to go, Lordi, Corey and Ethan stand side-by-side, together upon the hot, black pavement of the driveway. They stand facing the garage door, with Corey holding his sky blue suitcase and Ethan holding his red suitcase. Lordie stands with her enormous, black leather purse hanging from her arm, with her garage door opener in her hand.
She is dressed in a navy blue sundress, with white, Lilies printed upon it. She wears her floppy, oversized, black sunhat upon her head and large silver-hoop earrings, as well. She wears black, high-heel shoes, along with clean, white nylons.
The garage door finally arises all of the way up. “OHH SHOES!!!!” Corey suddenly squeaks excitedly as he points at Lordie’s vehicle. “That’s right, Little Corey.” Lordie says proudly
Her vehicle, an enormous, bright red high-heel shoe! It has three wheels, two in the front, one on each side and one the very in back, beneath the heel. All of the seats are black leather, with windows and doors which are just the same as a convertible, along with a black, retractable roof. The steering wheel has a matching red, fuzzy cover over it, as well.
Together, they walk to the high-heel car, as Lordie opens the door Corey and Ethan pile in together. They place their suitcases flat upon the leather seats and each sis upon their own suitcase. Lordie carefully climbs in and places her purse upon the floor as she digs through her purse a bit and grabs her car keys.
“Buckle up, kids!” She says to Corey and Ethan as they quickly help each other buckle their seatbelts. Lordie puts her key into the ignition and turns the key, starting up her high-heel shoe car. As the engine of the shoe starts, the clear sound of the FM car stereo is heard, echoing throughout Lordie’s garage.
A very soothing voice is heard over the radio, in mid-sentence. “…Off “The Bloggers” latest album, called “Half Nekkid Thursday” this is one entitled “Real Friends”. Suddenly, the typical radio chorus is heard, chiming the stations name. “One-Oh-Six-Point-Seven-FM-W.J.J.Y.!”
As Lordie signals, turning right out of her driveway, she presses the garage door button, to close it. Suddenly, a very whiny, male voice is heard, trying to sing over the radio. “…So I ran to the beach and crriiieeeed!!!!” “Ohh my!” Lordie exclaims as she quickly looks at Corey and Ethan. Both boys have the most disgusted looks upon their young faces as they sit with their eyes wide, hands tightly covering their ears and their teeth tightly gritted.
Quickly, Lordie
reaches for the volume of the radio and turns it down all of the way. As soon
as she does, Corey and Ethan finally drop their hands from their ears. Corey
lets out a sigh of relief as Ethan lets out a relaxed, soft “Meeee…” Up the freeway they ride, over the freeway
The large, white Seagulls from the
Classic rock n’ roll blasts from the shoe car’s radio as they drive off of the freeway bridge and onto the busy city streets. Stopped at a stoplight, Lordie notices the radio is now blasting excessively loud. Therefore, she turns the volume down to a comfortable level. They hear the normal, busy city sounds of cars, busses vendors, people talking, as well as shouting to others in conversation, as well as concern, along with the occasional call for a “TAXI!”
As always, as there is in every city, they hear the constant beeping and honking of impatient car horns…Followed by the call of Ethan! *BEEP! BEEP!* “ME! ME!” Little Ethan, like an overly excited puppy, answers back. *HONK!* “ME!” *HONK! BEEP! HONK!* “ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!...” Ethan continues to reply “Ohh, God!” Lordie says to herself, once again rolling her eyes as she turns up the volume of the radio once again, as the stoplight finally turns green and Lordie presses the gas peddle. She hurries through the stoplight as Ethan hangs his little head out of the window, still “talking” with the many other vehicles on the road.
They finally pull up to the building in with the child services are located. Parked by a meter, Lordie, with her cigarette hanging out of her mouth puts in her spare change. “Ahhh, what the hell, that’ll do.” She says to herself as she finishes her cigarette, drops it on the ground and thoroughly crushes it with the heel of her shoe.
“Let’s go, kids!” She calls as Corey and Ethan drag their suitcases along behind themselves. With her enormous purse hanging from her right arm, Lordie points her car door opener at her shoe car, *CHIRP! CHIRP!* echoes all around as the doors lock. “ME! ME!” Ethan says as he waves “Good-bye!” to the red shoe car.
BOTTLEAPOLIS CHILD PROTECTION
The beige, underlined letters read, upon the glass of the large wooden office door. “Can I help you?” A young woman, in her mid-thirties asks, sitting at the front desk, with her light brown hair up in a bun and wearing a grey business suit. The name “Vicki” with her business title “Receptionist” is engraved in black upon her shiny, golden nametag.
“Yes…” Lordie says, leaning on the desk. I would like to speak to somebody about returning these two items I didn’t purchase.” She says, pointing with her left thumb, to Corey and Ethan who both stand imitating the many fish swimming within the enormous saltwater fish tank.
With an extremely odd look upon her face, Vicky the Receptionist asks “Well…What is your name?” Vicky asks as she pulls a pen out of the bun in her hair and quickly scrambles for a notepad. “Just call me Lordie Lou!” Lordie responds proudly as Vicki writes her name down quickly. “O.K., you can just have a seat, um, Lordie Lou and Mr. Cornell will be right with you.” Vicki tells her with a forced, confused smile. “Thanks, sugar.” Lordie says she sits in the large, comfy green and white pinstriped chair, with her enormous purse in her lap. She sits and unknowingly smiles pleasantly while watching Little Corey and Little Ethan giggle as they “talk” with the fish, while pressing their little faces up to the glass aquarium.
“Lordie Lou” A man suddenly calls into the waiting room. “Yes.” Lordie replies “You kids behave.” She says to the boys who pay no attention whatsoever. A man dressed in a black business suit and red tie, as well as round, silver-rimmed glasses upon the tip of his nose is Mr. Melvin Cornell of Bottleapolis Child Services. He sits across from Lordie, with his enormous, Oakwood desk between them.
“Look,” Lordie begins “…All I want is to return them to their rightful owners.” Lordie tells his as she takes the two notes, from the boys, out of her purse and hands them to Mr. Cornell. Surveying the notes, as well as his legal papers repeatedly, he smiles and suddenly laughs heartily as Lordie looks at him very suspiciously.
He shuffles, stacks and packs them together evenly, upright upon his desk, each side one by one. “According to this…” he says “…You ARE the rightful owner, Ms. Lou.” He tells her as he quickly hands the thick stack of papers over to her from across the table. “WHAT?!” Lordie asks alarmed as she takes the papers and looks them over urgently.
“Looks like your sisters, Glori and Nori have already settles everything in your name.” He tells her as Lordie’s jaw suddenly drops wide open as she gasps, with her eyes locked upon the papers he blandly says to her: “Congratulations, Ms. Lou, you’re a parent. Isn’t that exciting?” “I’m so excited I could just shit.” Lordie replies, completely dazed and confused.
With her purse slung over her shoulder, Lordie slowly walks into the waiting room where Corey and Ethan have constructed an enormous fort out of the many magazines from the racks and tables of the waiting room.
“Let’s go, kids.” Lordie says slowly “WHEEEEEE!!!!” Corey squeals as he suddenly pops up from inside of the fort with his arms up in the air, like a monster, causing the fort come crashing down upon Ethan. “MEEEE!!” Ethan suddenly squeaks happily as he and Corey follow behind their Aunt Lordie Lou. Vicki, sitting at her desk, filing her nails, suddenly notices Lordie, Corey and Ethan leaving. “Congratulations!” she calls with a smile “Thank you, my child.” Lordie says still completely dazed and confused as she slowly opens the door and the boys quickly scurry out together with their suitcases in hand.
*CHIRP! CHIRP!* Lordie unlocks the doors of the shoe car as Corey and Ethan “ME! ME!” drag their suitcases behind themselves, a few feet in front of her. Piled back into the car, the boys, buckled up, sit comfortably upon their suitcases. With a quick slam of the car door, Lordie slowly buckles herself in, as well. Everyone is completely silent; all that is heard is the busy street, the next block over.
Lordie sighs as she puts her purse on the floor and key into the ignition, yet does not feel the strength to turn the key. She sits beside her adoring nephews, feeling confused, frustrated and tired with this sudden “bomb” her sisters had so carelessly dropped upon her. She sits, staring blankly out the front window, looking to the open road before her.
Suddenly, she feels a very soft, warm touch, touch her hand. She slowly looks down and sees a child’s hand gently holding her hand. She looks to see Corey, smiling sweetly up at her as Ethan looks to her, smiling, as well. She notices Corey’s other hand, linked with Ethan’s. With a heartfelt tear, Lordie slowly smiles at her two nephews.
Without a word, she realizes this is her family. Although her mind may say differently, in her heart, she believes she can and will care for these two children, much better than her own sisters ever could. With their hands linked together, the family bond has been formed between these three blood related souls. It is a bond which shall never, ever be broken.
“Let’s go home, boys.” Lordie says, with a tired, yet lovingly devoted smile. They smile back as Corey releases her hand and Lordie turns the key to start the engine. Pulling out of the parking space, they make their way home, forever safe, happy and family.
© Art Is Life, Life Is Art
2009-2010